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My Heart's Birthday

My Heart’s Birthday – Chapter Four (English)

Chapter 4 : Lost in a Song

JANS stumbled into the music lounge and had wanted to leave if not for the Jewel song that was being sung with so much passion that it broke her already anguished heart.


I go about my business, I’m doing fine
Besides what would I say if I had you on the line
Same old story, not much to say
Hearts are broken, everyday.
I brush my teeth and put the cap back on
I know you hate it when I leave the light on
I pick a book up. Turn the sheets down.
And then I take a deep breath and a good look around
Put on my pjs and hop into bed
I’m half alive but I feel mostly dead
I try and tell myself it’ll be all right
I just shouldn’t think anymore tonight ’cause


Dreams last so long
even after you’re gone
I know you love me
And soon you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you.

Yeah… You were meant for me and I was meant for you.

She hadn’t hoped for anything but couldn’t God have given her a better reception. He didn’t have to insult her in front of his family like she was the one who instigated the whole thing. If I wasn’t under contract not to talk to anyone about this, his shitty attitude would be all over the internet. She stopped herself from typing it on a tweet because she still wanted to keep her job. It was a good one and it kept her paychecks neat and in a row. Being in a band was not as lucrative as it might be for those who are not Sungmin. She pouted when she remembered how she’s admired and loved him for such a long time only to be reduced to neurotic fangirl who overstepped her boundaries.

 “I am a musician too!” she was so pissed she couldn’t keep the comment in her head. “Just because you are popular doesn’t make me any less worthy of being in any freaking back-stage you over-indulgent bonehead!”

It hurt a lot to be insulted by someone she has considered her idol. She thought they had a lot in common. But it turns out he was just a jerk in sweetheart’s clothing. I guess he’s a really great actor. That I can tell that he is. He got me fooled. She couldn’t help not to press on her chest in frustration. She was wondering if there was anyway to forget that the night ever happened.

She heard the guitar play this time and she was looking into the sparkling water that she ordered just so she had a reason to be there.

My stupid mouth

Has got me in trouble

I said too much again

To a date over dinner yesterday

And I could see

She was offended

She said “well anyway…”

Just dying for a subject change

She felt like it was exactly what Sungmin should be thinking if he had a conscience.

Oh, another social casualty

Score one more for me

How could I forget?

Mama said “think before speaking”

No filter in my head

Oh, what’s a boy to do

I guess he better find one soon

She always found this song funny. But the fact that John Mayer is as much of an ass as Sungmin didn’t make this song hilarous but bittersweet.

We bit our lips

She looked out the window

Rolling tiny balls of napkin paper

I played a quick game of chess with the salt and pepper shaker

And I could see clearly, An indelible line was drawn

Between what was good, what JUST slipped out and what went wrong

They didn’t even have a chance to do that. Maybe thought maybe she left too early. She should have given it more time. Maybe he was just testing her. She sighed and just listened to the rest of the song.

Oh, the way she feels about me has changed

Thanks for playing, try again.

How could I forget?

Mama said “think before speaking”

No filter in my head

Oh, what’s a boy to do

I guess he better find one

I’m never speaking up again

It only hurts me

I’d rather be a mystery

Than she desert me

Oh I’m never speaking up again

Starting now… Starting now

Did he even feel bad about the things that he said about me? She was trying not to tear up over the way that he was with her.

One more thing

Jans, why is it my fault?

She looked up and saw him onstage, playing the gutiar, singing.

So maybe I try too hard

But it’s all because of this desire

She wanted to get up and leave but she couldn’t. She just kept listening and he just kept playing…and singing.

I just wanna be liked

I just wanna be funny

Looks like the jokes on me

So call me captain backfire

I’m never speaking up again

it only hurts me

I’d rather be a mystery

than she desert me

Oh I’m never speaking up again

I’m never speaking up again

I’m never speaking up again

Starting now, starting now…

“It’s two things. I either died from embarrassment several minutes ago or I am dreaming this.” Neither one appealed to her. Because for the life of her, she wanted it to be real.

When he went to her table and sat in front of her and held her hand. She felt that he was there. When he opened his mouth to talk, she couldn’t have prepared herself with what he said.

 “Do you believe in love at first sight?” he asked like it was a question where the fate of the universe hung in the balance.

 “Yes…” she answered breathlessly. “Now, I do.”

 “Well…I don’t.” She didn’t know that there were more pieces of her heart that could break but there they were, crushed against the weight of his words.

About pinaywriter

I love to read, I love to write and I love to correct grammar. ^_^


2 thoughts on “My Heart’s Birthday – Chapter Four (English)

  1. was it sungmin.?

    Posted by cutiektine | Enero 31, 2012, 11:19 hapon
  2. the lyrics are good

    Posted by purvletlove | Enero 17, 2012, 10:13 umaga

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